Imagine Scams

Imagine it’s not Santa Claus who brings you presents according to how good you have been. Imagine it’s really your parents who buy you presents and secretly place them under the tree.

Imagine it’s not kings and presidents who run the world and tell people what to do and what to think. Imagine it’s international bankers who tell those kings and presidents what to say to you and do to you to extract taxes so they can pay interest to the bankers and get more loans to buy more weapons to fight more wars the bankers convince them are in their best interest.

Imagine it’s not people who decide to compete with each other over who will gain more power, more money,  maximize the relative reproductive success of one’s own genes. Imagine it’s the genes themselves that are in competition, playing the game of life, producing ever more elaborate and vicious tools, us, to maximize their own relative reproductive success.

Imagine you are not so much a tool as a slave. Sentient, tormented by desires designed to tend to maximize the relative reproductive success of your genes, desires impossible to satisfy. The desire to live as long as possible, even longer than that. The desire to feel no pain and all imaginable pleasures. The desire for something, anything, permanent, not in ceaseless flux.

Now imagine a mind powerful enough—or flawed enough, from the perspective of the genes who gave it its form—to have the potential to not only recognize this slavery for what it is, but to break free from it. Imagine that mind is yours. Now imagine someone spent the bulk of his life developing detailed instructions to help your mind reach this potential. Imagine he called it the Noble Eightfold Path and you could google it.

Would you?

How to Make Your Own Sourdough

This is what I did to create sourdough from scratch. You will never have to buy yeast again. All you need to make bread from scratch is flour, water, and optionally salt.

I’m pretty sure you can use most kinds of flour, but I started with stone ground organic whole wheat flour.

Step-by-Step Instructions:

1. Put about ½ cup of flour and ½ cup of water in a glass jar and stir. The consistency should be that of a very thick batter. In the beginning it is best to err on the side of more flour and less water, but there definitely should not be any dry spots whatsoever within the dough.
2. Let it sit at room temperature for 12 to 24 hours.
3. Remove about half of the dough, stir in about ½ cup of water until you get a smooth batter. Then stir in about ½ cup of flour.
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 indefinitely.

The astute reader may have noticed that this means you get more of the mixture each time: You start with a total of 1 cup, remove ½ cup and then add a total of 1 cup — flour and water. This means you will have 1½ cups total. After the next step, it will be 2 cups, etc. However, all the measurements are approximate; I suggest you adjust the quantities so that you eventually retain just enough of the sourdough to fill your jar to about one quarter, since, as the microorganisms start to flourish, your sourdough will rise to between two and four times its volume between feedings.

Personally I prefer the taste of the bread when I add a small amount of salt to the water. I use unrefined salt, of course, and less than ½ teaspoon per batch. Everything will work fine without added salt, so that part is completely up to you.

Now for the actual employment of the sourdough — or more precisely: the sourdough starter — in the making of your own delicious bread: Each time you implement step 3 from above, you are supposed to “remove” part of the sourdough starter. Guess what! The part you remove is not just thrown out, but rather it is exactly what you will use to leaven your bread: Put it in a bowl, add water, stir until you get a smooth batter, then add flour and optionally salt and a tiny bit of oil. Essentially you can then follow any bread recipe, except you won’t need any leavening agent other than your sourdough starter. That means you don’t need to add yeast, baking powder, baking soda, or self-rising flour.

Being the minimalist we all love, I literally just put sourdough starter, water, flour, and salt in the bowl, knead the dough for about 20 to 30 minutes, form a loaf, put it in the cold oven and let it rise for anywhere between 10 minutes and 8 hours before baking for about 10  minutes at 450°F, then another 20 to 30 minutes at 380°F.

A few words on maturity of your sourdough starter seem in order: While your loaf sits and waits to  be baked, observe the batch of sourdough starter. Only after about the first week or two will it start to rise consistently to approximately twice its volume within an hour or two of being fed, and only when it does that, you can safely assume your bread will also rise sufficiently not to turn into a brick when you bake it. During this initial period — the first week to fortnight of creating your sourdough from scratch — in order to still be able to make acceptable, leavened bread, you can add store-bought yeast to the bread dough, but not the sourdough starter in the jar. This way your bread will be guaranteed to rise, but you won’t throw off the development of a natural balance of microorganisms in the jar.

Just remember people have been doing this for longer than they were able to read, write, measure, or keep exact time. After the first couple of weeks, there is almost nothing — short of cooking, strong poison, or irradiation — that will destroy your live culture. You can skip a day or two, use a lot more water or flour, leave the sourdough starter in the refrigerator for a couple of weeks without feeding it. If any such abuse should lead to decreased leavening power, just give it a day or two on the normal routine and it will recover.

There you have it. Who knew you could make superb bread without adding ethoxylated mono- and diglycerides, calcium stearoyl-2-lactylate, sodium stearoyl lactylate, egg wash, casein, calcium peroxide, diacetyl tartaric acid esters of mono- and diglycerides, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, azodicarbonamide, calcium propionate, monocalcium phosphate, lactoferrin, modified wheat starch, lecithin, propylene glycol, ammonium sulfate, or calcium iodate? That means you neither have to have animals tortured for your bread nor develop any of the diseases associated or potentially associated with some of the above chemicals. Good news indeed!

Scared New World

“Daddy, what are you doing?”

“Finishing up my article on Earth.”

“The planet with the battle between international bankers and the disease industry?”

“Well, it’s not a battle they are fighting. They collaborate. I was just unsure which one of them was dominant. On one hand, the international bankers control all the industries and governments through fractional reserve banking and fiat currencies, but at the same time the disease industry not only feeds their consumers refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated vegetable oils, but also the meat and milk of animals bred specifically for that purpose and tortured seemingly unnecessarily. If the bankers are the true overlords of the humans, why would they direct the industry to waste resources by feeding animals and using their bodies to poison consumers?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t they just have them use those plant-based chemicals to get and keep people chronically ill? It’s not like they are going to derive any profit from needless cruelty, so it must be the food industry that ultimately calls the shots… but then again, What purpose could the abuse of conscious and emotional creatures serve to them?”

“I had been wondering about this myself, and it took me quite some time to figure out. See, humans have a conscience, just like you and me. Just like us they are born with a sense of right and wrong. By growing them in a system that committing a horrible atrocity every day, several times a day, before they even understand what it is they are eating, their masters weaken them psychologically. Sooner or later every human realizes what he is doing, but most of them cannot allow themselves to fully appreciate the absurdity, so they instead continue doing what they are used to. As you know, by the universal mysterious law of cause and effect, the wrongdoing is still there, even if you don’t allow yourself or others to admit it, and their conscience is also still there, so most of them become depressed. The masters, of course, have designed the disease industry to label depression a chronic disease and treat it with chemicals, but even those whose depression never reaches clinically detectable levels operate not from a place of peace, but from this terrible conflict inherent in their way of life. It is not hard to see that this is the main source of their fears, which manifest themselves as greed, hatred, aggression, envy, and all the other qualities of an ideal consumer.”

“Wow, what a concept! They torture and kill billions upon billions of sentient beings just to keep a fraction of them subservient.”

“You don’t often see a planet diseased like that, do you?”

“Aren’t there any consumers who break free by just listening to their conscience and refusing to eat animals?”

Pizza

(vegan)

It is with great pleasure that I announce the invention of a flat bread with toppings. I like to call it “pizza.”

There are many ways to make a pizza, but this is one of my favorites: I use the same dough that I would normally use to make sourdough bread. I obtain it by mixing sourdough starter (which is basically part of the previous day’s batch of sourdough) with water, then adding flour and salt. You can use white flour or whole wheat flour or a combination of both. Depending on how chewy or crunchy you want your crust, you should knead it for about half an hour, then just flatten it out into pizza shape. Alternatively pizza dough can be made from just water, flour, baking soda, and salt.

My favorite toppings include mushrooms (fresh or dried), tomato paste, eggplant, onions, kalamata olives, tomato slices, spinach, celery, black or brown sesame seeds, artichokes, fresh red jalapeños, and peanut butter. You can use one or more or all of these, but there are two things every pizza needs in order to be instantly recognized as a tasty pizza by the average person: garlic and oregano. Olive oil may also be necessary, but the amount thereof depends highly on your taste. Most people will also want salt on a pizza, in which case I can only reiterate what I have said countless times: Unrefined salt not only tastes better to most food-lovers, but it is also much better for you.

Put the entire thing in the oven for about half an hour at 350­–420°F. This corresponds to 167.67–215.56°C, but I guess if you miss the range by 0.01°C — or even 50°C — you can still achieve a succulent result as long as you make sure the charring is not too severe for your taste. You don’t really have to worry about undercooked parts of your pizza; It’s not like there are any industrialized foods on it that might constitute biological weapons until thoroughly denatured by cooking.

Cheese or cheese substitutes are not required on a pizza. It may not be as unhealthy, but it will definitely still be delicious without cheese.

Enjoy and let me know how it goes.

Deep Fried Tofu Cubicles

(vegan)

Ingredients:

• one block of extra firm tofu (organic if  you don’t like eating Roundup®)
• brown rice flour
• black sesame seeds
• dried sage
• unrefined salt
• sunflower oil

Instructions:

• Freeze tofu overnight.
• Thaw tofu and cut into cubes.
• Cover each cube in a mixture of brown rice flour, ground black sesame seeds, sage, and unrefined salt.
• Deep fry in sunflower oil until golden brown.

Serve with:

Rice or coconut curry.

Where the Buck are we with this recipe?

Taste: 9/10
Health: 4/10
Animal death toll: 0

Thermonuclear Hummus

(raw, vegan, Genesis 1:29 compliant)

Ingredients:

• about ½ cup dried chickpeas (garbanzo beans)
• about ½ cup black and brown sesame seeds
• 1 lemon
• 0–8 ounces of “first cold pressed” olive oil (depending on your personal beliefs and your taste)
• 1–10 cloves of garlic (The hummus will only be thermonuclear if you use at least 5 good sized ones.)
• optional: unrefined salt to taste
• optional: spirulina powder to taste

Instructions:

• Soak chickpeas and sesame seeds in water for about a day.
• Add all the other ingredients. If you want to avoid a slightly bitter taste and a lot of phytonutrients, do not use the whole lemon, but just its juice, pulp, and zest, eliminating the “white stuff.”
• Blend.

Serve with:

Endive or romaine lettuce (if you don’t mind eating plant carcasses) or homemade sourdough bread (if you don’t mind processed foods).

Where the Buck are we with this recipe?

Taste: 8/10
Health: 7/10
Animal death toll: 0

Fresh Air Day

Today is the best day of my life: Fresh Air Day! I’m not sure what happened to this planet—the only home I have known—before I was born. None of us have memories of what was before the Dark Age. Before today we did not even refer to it as dark, simply because we had never seen daylight. All we knew was that, for one reason or another, we were growing up in little stalls within a big, dark structure, barely able to move at all. We would eat the same bland food every day and wonder if this had once been a world teeming with lush vegetation producing succulent fruit in abundance and if so, what could have caused the cataclysm that forced us to rely on this gray, mealy guck for sustenance. We had never seen anyone truly healthy, but judging by the purulent lesions on our bodies and the constant visceral pain, it did not take a genius to figure out our diet was less than optimal. There were thousands of us in that building, and our excrement was removed only to the extent necessary to keep the concentration of ammonia in the air at a level that would allow the bulk of us to survive, albeit uncomfortably.

Today is different. Early in the morning, we all had to leave and board a vehicle. There seemed to be a considerable measure of urgency involved. Fortunately I was one of the last ones to enter the cage-like trailer used to transport us and as a result am located near the top. I’m not even sure the ones at the bottom will survive the trip. I saw the sky today for the first time in my life. It is blue, but this world’s sun is so bright it literally hurts our eyes. The true blessing of it all, however, is the air: no ammonia, no methane, less carbon dioxide than we are used to, just a faint hint of hydrocarbons, most likely fuel. I never knew life could be this great! I can’t wait to see our destination and the wonders it may hold for us.

The planet is Earth. The year is A.D. 2010. We are pork. Resistance is futile.

Massacre on My Doorstep and Genocide in My Refrigerator

What a day!

For several months a few wasps had been living right outside my door. Whenever someone entered or left the apartment, they would be around, usually just sitting on their nest, sometimes quietly hovering in the air. These wasps were what you might call my “companion animals.” They were free, and I did not do anything for or to them, nor did they do anything for or to me, but the same is true of lots of the people we see every day. They are still our companions of sorts, and we would not want them to be tortured to death. Just now, right before sunset, when I stepped outside my door, I found their broken bodies on the ground, covered with a deadly shine.

I wonder what went on inside their thoughts as they were succumbing to the poison. Whatever it was, whatever dreams they might have had, it’s all over now. A few more victims to the human lust for torture and death. There might be winners in this situation after all: The company who manufactured the weapon; Maybe a human will get cancer from the exposure, leading to a bonanza for the disease industry. A little bit of maliciousness can go a long way in generating a profit.

In other news: My parents left for Europe the other day and gave me some orange juice they couldn’t finish. I drank it early this morning, feeling OK about it since, even though it was obviously neither a whole fruit nor raw, it was “not from concentrate.” Later on, as I saw the carton lying in the trash, I noticed the word CALCIUM suspiciously looming over the brand name. I checked the list of ingredients and found a few chemicals like calcium hydroxide that I figured wouldn’t kill me, but still a testament to the insanity of our culture. Then, sure enough: vitamin D3. What have we made of this world?